I realized today that meme that’s been going around the net for awhile “That (awkward) moment when….” could easily be used to describe all those interesting moments – awkward, awesome and otherwise – of realization. So, in no particular order here are some of my “moments”.
~ “That awkward moment when you realize that though you enjoy animals, having lots of them drives you crazy.” I live with four dogs, two cats and a parrot. I could ditch every one of them tomorrow and be blissfully happy – except for the parrot. I like my parrot. She’s capable of sharing the room with me, of being near me without being on me. Anyone touching, being on or rubbing up against me constantly will drive me to scream. I need my personal space and don’t much care to have it invaded by anyone. I like sharing space, even being near enough to feel each other’s warmth. But constant contact? No, thank you! I’m not so cuddly as I once believed.
~ “That moment when you realize that being you is what you’re good at.” It’s all I can ever be, no matter how hard I might have wished on occasion that I was someone else or somehow different so people would like me better, or think me more fun or prettier or somehow anything other than what I was. The only problem was I had no clue how to wear masks. I’m honest to a fault at times and as a result am a horrible liar.
~ “That awkward moment when you realize a person you deeply respect and admire has a big attraction to you but for reasons too many to bother counting, an intimate relationship won’t work out so you agree to be friends only to discover you each have different ideas of what it means to be friends.” Just because I can switch from attraction mode to friend mode in a flash doesn’t mean everybody can.
~ “That moment when you realize you still think of mirrors as you best friends and always have since you were really little.” Even when I was nearly 200 pounds I still adored my reflection, never giving into the rampant self hatred so many women seem steeped in these days. Even when I was younger and was teased mercilessly about being “ugly” and believed the lies, I still enjoyed looking at myself in the mirror.
~ “That moment you discover just how much you hate even the idea of dieting.” The second someone so much as mentions weight loss or dieting I tune them out. If they’re selling something I pretty much lose interest on the spot. I tend to feel the same way about people harping on “flaws”, “bikini bodies” (take the body you have; put it in a bikini. PRESTO! You now have a bikini body and are ready to enjoy the beach!), going on about “getting ready for summer/the beach/shorts and bare arms season”. Anything trying to tell me I’m hopelessly ugly, unglamorous and flawed unless or until I purchase their product or that of their affiliates is summarily dismissed.
~ “That awesome moment you realize no matter what, you’re happy with yourself and the way you look.” At least I’m alive! And so what if I’m getting older? Everybody does. The alternative truly sucks.
~ “That awesome moment you realize aging is optional.” Just because I get older doesn’t mean I have to be broken down and used up. The body works on “use it or lose it” principals. I plan to use as much of my body as I possibly can. Older is fine (see above) but aging? No thank you. I’ll pass.
~ “That awesome moment when you realize happiness is a choice and you can choose not once or twice, but every moment of every day. The choice of what to focus on is up to you.” I tend to be pretty happy. It doesn’t mean nothing crappy ever shows up in my ‘Verse, it just means I choose not to focus on it. No, I don’t pretend it’s not there. I just don’t make a habit of sitting and staring at it while wringing my hands and asking unhelpful questions like “Why me?” When all else fails and I can’t think of any better questions I’ll ask “What can I learn from this? What’s my take away?” I get much better answers that way.
~ “That moment when you realize that though you’ve made some stupid choices and avoidable errors in judgement, in spite of it all you came out okay. And you’ll continue to be okay.” I’m human. I don’t always get it right, but that’s okay. I’m not supposed to. I’m perfectly fallible because that’s part of the human experience. Sometimes I get it right; the longer I live the more stuff I get right just by virtue of experience and committing those experiences to memory for later use (a.k.a. learning). I also get stuff wrong. This is the learning part. It’s all good!
~ “That awesome moment when you realize forgiving isn’t so much about the other person as it is about you.” I no longer deal in “forgive and forget.” No, I will not forget, but I will behave as if. If I say I’ve forgiven you I have no interest in bringing it up over and over and over again every time something goes differently between us than I’d prefer. Now, if you consistently do the same thing I forgave you for, then we have another issue entirely. Now I may be cautious but I’m still not interested in hanging onto that thing you did, whatever it was. I’m just going to make sure you can’t steal my money/kick my dog/eat my last cookie again. But hold a grudge? No. That takes too much time and energy I could invest elsewhere. Besides, grudges interfere with the choice to be happy (see above).
~ “That moment when you realize you’re a recovering potty mouth and you’re okay with it, happy about it, even.” Yep. I’m a recovering potty mouth. I used to swear like a pissed off trucker in NYC as a matter of course. Then I decided I wanted to be more “spiritual”. Of course, everyone knows spiritual people don’t swear. I finally realized that was total b.s. but then thought I’d like a more creative and expressive vocabulary, so I decided I would continue the practice. Problem is, I’m a seriously passionate person. When I get excited whether in a happy or not so happy way, the potty words come tumbling out. I decided this is perfectly fine and just part of who I am. I like me and that’s the important part.
~ “That moment when you realize it’s okay to be girly AND a tomboy. You really don’t have to pick.” Which is great because I really am both. I love dresses, stockings (the kind worn with garter belts not panty hose, which tend to feel like boil-in bags), sparklies of all kinds. I also love action movies where there are Space Marines, giant monsters trampling stuff, Marvel super hero movies, flicks where there’s a lot of things going boom. I hated the Titanic and going to any kind of chick flick will generally make me wish for death. Or opt for needles to be shoved under my nails instead. The Oxygen Network is likely to leave me gasping for air. And I like video games. A lot.
~ “That moment you realize weight lifting really is your thing even if you don’t want to look like a fitness competitor.” I love dance. I love yoga. But I REALLY love working out in the gym! It’s my favorite form of exercise and as such fairly easy for me to take up if (ha! WHEN) I drop off exercising for a time. Nothing quite does it for me like lifting.
~ “That awkward moment when you realize you’ve just spent the last few years of your life pursuing the wrong idea.” It’s a good thing I caught it before I got too invested and miserable.
~ “That awesome moment when you discover you’re a multi-passionate person and it’s totally okay.” I’m a curious person and can find something interesting about just about anything given enough time. Things I find interesting I get passionate about, spending hours, days, weeks, months delving into. And then, curiosity satisfied, at least for the moment, I move on. Some things hold my interest for years, others for hours and it’s all perfectly okay because it’s perfectly me.
That’s all for now. I’ll probably do another listing of moments when at another date.