It’s me, Stasi! I’ve been feeling a bit beat up lately. It seems as if for no particular reason I keep finding myself in the Soft Spot, which really does affect my ability to work. Maybe I’m going about it the wrong way. Maybe I’m trying to do the wrong work. Prolly. I chose the path I’m on so I figure I’ll get it right eventually. Doesn’t make it any less scary, ’cause that’s what it is sometimes: damned scary. You have a way of knocking me down, trampling me when I least expect it, tossing ouchy things and beaning me in the head. I am battered, bloodied, bruised and tired.
But here’s the thing, Life. I keep getting back up. No matter what you put in my way, no matter how many times I face plant along my path I will ALWAYS get up. Staying down is not an option and I politely decline your offer to shut down, close up, wear the broken, bitter glasses. I refuse meals with the Angry Bitter Ones. If it means I go hungry for a time then so be it. If it means I walk alone for a time then that’s how I’ll walk. It never hurts to learn more self reliance. And suitable companions invariably pop up along the way, sometimes for a long stretch, sometimes only for a short while. Some companions are lovers, others friends, others acquaintances. Good company is always just around the bend, so I don’t mind the solitude. In fact, I often welcome it. It’s in the solitude spaces that I process and absorb the lessons you’ve presented me with.
Sometimes, Life, you’re a harsh teacher, others you’re gentle and kind. No matter. I love you anyway, however you present yourself. No matter how many times I fall I will never hesitate to get up again, take my walking stick in hand, sling my pack over my shoulders yet again and walk on, though I may do so with a pronounced limp, gritting my teeth in pain, tears streaking my dirtied face. I will eventually heal and I’ll be alright, ready for the next lesson/challenge/frustrating occurrence to come my way. I have yet to encounter anything I can’t handle. I figure if I’m there experiencing it, you must know and have faith that I can handle it, else I wouldn’t be there. So, for the moment I’m a little tired and I’ve sat for a spell with my back to this tree. It’s time to get up, take my walking stick in hand, sling my pack over my shoulders again, heavy sometimes with things I don’t need but haven’t yet cast aside and walk onwards anew.
Stasi 🙂 <3 <3 <3
**And that is what I do. As I bend down and grab my pack strap preparing to shoulder it again, out of the swirling chaos Life takes form and comes towards me, smiling and reaching for my hand. I take the offered hand in my own, resolutely looking Life in the eyes though I can feel the pulse and sway threatening to overwhelm me. I make it a habit to always look Life full on in the eyes. I smile at the gift. Before I can bow in gratitude, Life places a kiss on my hand and we bow to each other. With a look of love and mischief, Life releases me and is subsumed once more into the swirling chaos. My path appears clearly once more. I take my walking staff in hand, shoulder my pack and walk on.