I just read a blog post where the author did a bit of a great reveal: if you knew me you would know ______. She makes an effort to keep from contributing the current internet trend of “forever shiny happy people on the web”. I know I’ve been a bit on the reveal side here from time to time, but there are things I’d be happy (okay, embarrassed) to admit to the ‘net reading public. Here goes:
*If you really knew me you’d know I have an amazingly scary temper. It can be so big and explosive that once you’ve experienced it you’ll cautiously open your eyes a bit at a time, hesitantly looking around to assess the environmental damage. No, I don’t throw things.
*If you really knew me you’d know I spend a lot of time wandering about in my pajamas. Okay, most of the time that consists of a t shirt or spaghetti strapped shift, and bare feet. But still. I’m in my pajamas. A lot.
*If you really knew me you’d know that I have a love-hate relationship with my animals. Depending on the day I may utterly detest any nonhuman living with me. Most of the time I like them well enough and sometimes I really love them. But not all of them at the same time. I cycle through them. Mostly because I feel like I have too many animals. But I’m reluctant to give them up. Not because they bring me joy but more because I’m concerned about how it’ll affect them. On any given day I may be very willing to give up a critter or two to the right home if it comes along. But there’s not much chance I’m gonna go seek out said good home. So they remain with me. And drive me bat schnizzle. Except Bee. I never want to part with Bee. I actually like Ibi all the time.
*If you really knew me you’d know that I hate being a mom. I adore my children absolutely, but if there was a way for me to have them and skip that whole mom job I’d take it. I never really wanted children. Didn’t even like them much. Still don’t unless they’re mine. Not that I’d try to harm a child; I’d sooner cause myself harm or even sacrifice my own life for a child I don’t even know if there was a need, but the day to day parent thing? No, thank you. My boys often tell me I’m more like a big sister than a mom. That kind of relationship works for me. And those horrid, sappy “heart of a mother” type poems? GAG! Though I do admit should anyone even look like they’re thinking of being mean to any of my boys they’re in for some hella huge trouble. And I like that my boys call me Mama. Go figure.
*If you really knew me you’d know I’m a crazy, mixed up ball of contradictions. Anything I say now I can and likely will contradict in the future, only to change once again not too far down the road. If I find a better way of thinking or behaving and it works for me I’m taking it. If you can’t keep up, that’s your dealio.
*If you really knew me you’d know I’ll always default to behaviors that suit my sense of right and wrong. Which likely will be very different from what most other people consider right and wrong. Not always but often. And no, I won’t understand why you think I should do differently. I guarantee you won’t make a lick of sense to me.
*If you really knew me you’d know that I love food! I love making food. I love looking at food. But that’s about it. Eating lots of food isn’t on my radar. I like making food so OTHER people can eat, enjoy and appreciate it. I personally don’t eat much. I stop (most of the time) when my body says it’s had enough. Going any further will result in me feeling like crud. I prefer not to feel crappy, so I stop. This creates a bit of a dilemma if I go out of my way to make something hella cool like lasagna or a big vegan holiday meal and the fam decides they’re not feeling the plants. There’s no way I can or even want to eat all that food. Maybe I should start hosting dinner parties….
I could probably go on but I’ll stop for now. After all, if you’ve been following my blog you’ll know that I do indeed reveal quite a bit of my imperfection in my posts/articles (decided some of my posts are way too long to be mere blog posts, so they get to be renamed articles). Thank you to Heather of “Come What May and Love It” for the idea for this confessional, er, post!