My apologies to you for having been less communicative lately. Today I am in a LOT of pain. Wisdom teeth. Why ever they call them wisdom teeth I have no idea unless the intend that wisdom be garnered from massive amounts of pain! I spent a lot of time angry since my teeth were happily healing and this particular tooth? Hadn’t heard a peep from it ever. Now suddenly: BOOM! and down on my *ss I go. As if that wasn’t bad enough I damn near poison myself with extra strength pain killers since M’am Tooth decided she wasn’t of a mind to respond to normal amounts of pain killers. So, the day has been spent since 0-dark-way-too-damn-early being sick. Nope! Can’t keep a damn thing down and I have to be careful with water. And yes, M’am Tooth continues her painful onslaught. I was furious! I asked for help, I begged for help and nada; my mouth is still killing me. You bet I was cheesed off! I mean what’s the point of all that prayer and believing if it seems to skip out on you when you need it most?
Then it occurred to me I needed a big shift in perspective. I can’t simply throw a tantrum and expect to be listened to. Ask with respect and the answer will come. It may not be what I wanted but it’ll definitely be the answer I need. First things first: gratitudes. Earlier today I could barely stay upright. Kind of hard to remain upright when you keep falling asleep. Here I am later in the day and I can not only sit upright but I can move faster than a hobbled snail. My tooth doesn’t hurt all the time, either. It comes and goes. Then I remember my body responds to emotional turmoil rather directly: if something’s out of sorts I’ll know about it. It only becomes frank pain when I’m being particularly dense. Whatever this is, I must be being REALLY obtuse! Probably beginning with trying to tell my body to shut it by downing too many dang ibuprophens and extra strength Tylenols. Now I sit here unable to take any pain meds of any kind and I have to deal with the pain. The words of a very dear Army Ranger friend come to me. He’d gotten hurt during some training exercise or other. I asked how he was doing to which he replied “It’s only pain. I’ve been through worse. I’ll live. Besides, it lets me know I’m alive.” Yeah. It’s only pain, Stasi. The fact that I can feel pain means I’m definitely alive. One more reason to be grateful. Once I started surrendering to the pain I began to notice it wasn’t nearly so bad as I first thought. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still incredibly painful and I’d rather know I’m alive some other way. But even so, here I am. And I have the opportunity to ask myself where the lesson is in this. Beyond the obvious of getting the tooth pulled and don’t take so many pain killers. I follow the pain. It definitely follows a pattern and never deviates from that. What if each little pulse of pain is a point I need to attend to?
Soon after surrendering to the pain, my anger drops, I become curious and I realize I need to pray. I need to pray because I don’t know what else to do. I ask the Lady for guidance, for help in understanding what this is all about. And again the pain , though the same seems to diminish in importance. I haven’t gotten much in the way of answers as yet, but I’m confident I will. Here I sit with my herbs, my pain and my surrender. First thing Monday I’m calling the dentist to have the tooth taken care of. In the interim I’ll take my herbs (currently taking tincture of echinacea and goldenseal), keep exploring the paths the pain blazes for me an keep praying. After all, what’s the point of faith and believing if you skip out on it just when you need it most?