Along with my practice of vulnerability and surrender has surfaced a need to practice accepting the is-ness of things. What exactly IS the is-ness of things? The is-ness of a thing is simply what IS. If it’s snowing heavily and you wanted to go for a lovely drive in the country, accepting the fact that it’s snowing heavily is accepting the is-ness of the situation. Does it mean you can’t go for that lovely country drive? Well, that depends. Is it snowing in blizzard proportions or at least enough to make the roads unsafe? If so, it’s a pretty good idea to stay in. If not, it depends on how heavily it’s snowing, the state of your vehicle and how much you like driving in snow. The heavy snow is the is-ness but what part of the is-ness is actually your business?
There’s always the temptation when looking at “what is” to stare at it endlessly until it becomes a THING. We all know what happens when we stare at a thing until it becomes a THING. That’s not the purpose of the practice of is-ness. Is-ness is your starting point. When you go for a walk you don’t stand there in your yard focused on where you’re starting from. Nor do you endlessly worry over how far you’ve got to walk until you get back to your starting point. Instead you glance around you, checkout the lay of the land, decide which way you’d like to go then get moving. Likewise with exercise, which is probably a more appropriate analogy. If you’ve laid off exercise for a few years, have grown out of your wardrobe and squishy of body you don’t pretend you’re a fitness champion when you get to the gym the first day (or at least you shouldn’t lest your squishy body disabuse you of that illusion post haste). You fiddle around with resistance on the treadmill and the weights a bit until you find your starting point. It may be disappointing; it most likely will be. You aren’t as close to Super Human as you thought. You are now face to face with the is-ness of your fitness situation. You don’t like where you are but now you have choices. You can cry and moan and wail about how unfit you are, collect your jiggly-wiggly marbles and go home. Taking this route will ensure that you won’t progress, but neither will you stay where you are. Your fitness level will decline as, alas, whining about your fitness level or lack thereof, though surely an exercise in resistance isn’t an aerobic exercise and you stand to be avoided as an insufferable waaa.
Another thing you could choose to do is see where you are, start your program but complain vociferously the whole way. Again you’ll be unbearable company so you might like to take that into consideration when flipping through your list of options. The other thing you’ll want to be aware of is complaining makes things horrid not only for those around you but also for YOU. When you complain you focus on the things you don’t like and turn them into THINGS. They just get bigger and bigger until they’re huge monsters that threaten to eat you whole and spit out your pitiful pits. All over your grandmother’s flower bed. Under this kind of onslaught you’re guaranteed to say “Aw H*LL NAWL!” and quit before you’ve had the chance to see any significant changes. Once more you won’t remain where you started but rather deteriorate, making the next time you make a start at getting fit even harder. You could also try the option of seeing where you are, not liking it at all, figuring where you’d rather be and focusing on that. No complaining. No whining or fixating on where you are. The is-ness of your situation becomes a launch pad for where you’d prefer to be.
Therein lies the gift of acknowledging the is-ness of a thing, be it a person, situation or otherwise. Notice “what is” only long enough to get the gift then move on, the gift being “here is something you don’t like/want so you can decide what it is you do want”. If you cry, scream, yell and complain about the is-ness of your situation you become totally un-fun to be around and attract more un-fun people to you so you can have your very own soggy little misery crew of I Can’t Campers. You get to sit around bemoaning how things “are” (said with a heavy, groaning, complain-y sort of sigh), do and say nothing about what you really want (thus side stepping your creative responsibility) and ensure you get a whole lot more of whatever it is you’ve been devoting so much of your time, emotions and focus to. Lots of people live this way, unpleasant as it is.
As a Sensualista, you get to break out your yummy tools and go mining for the treasure in your is-ness. There is always a gift to be had. If you can’t change the situation or person, you can change how you respond to them (by the way, attempting person changing is a serious exercise in futility, not to mention just plain ol’ un-fun; the only person you ever, ever have any control over EVER is yourself). The choice and power are always yours. Always. Take just long enough to see where you are, notice what you don’t like then get on with focusing on where you want to be no matter what else pops up. If new information seems significant enough, check it out and course correct as necessary. I strongly suggest installing mental/emotional pop up blockers to help keep you on course. Otherwise you can get distracted by the minutiae and will need to constantly refocus or end up losing focus altogether, paying attention to the “don’t wants” and getting more of them. Is-ness is a very important tool of discovery on your journey to full fledged Sensualista. It’s a gift and I’m all about gifts and goodies, even if sometimes is-ness goodies seem like baddies at first: “Aw, CRUD! A pile of poo!” Well, I can always add it to my compost heap or dig it into my lush and lovely garden. After all, it’s out of the sh*t of life that roses grow.