Doing everything all by my big self gets tiresome after awhile. I’ve noticed a lot of people feeling the same way but not feeling there was any alternative. There is, but you really have to be willing to go there all the way or you’ll just be right back to Do-it-all Dan swearing this stuff just doesn’t work because, well you TRIED it already. Only you didn’t. You only half poked at surrender. You’ve got to go all the way. Otherwise it’s not surrender. Trust is a big part of it. You can ease into it, offering little parts of yourself as you go along. Surrender just a little thing to the Lady and watch Her take expert care of it. Then a little more and a little more.
The thing is, while it’s in the Lady’s care you can’t tell Her how to take care of it or snatch it back every few seconds and think you’re still doing the trust/surrender thing. That’s doing it big self not trusting, not surrendering. If someone committed something to your care and proceeded to ride shotgun telling you how to take care of it and what you’re supposed to be doing with it every few minutes you’d most likely get annoyed and give it back. You might even yell at them in frustration. Dunno if the Lady will get annoyed or yell but She’ll certainly grant your wish to have it back. If you’re going for surrender, having the Lady give you back whatever it was you gave Her is not the way to get there.
The thing about surrender is the amount of trust required. It’s a lot like being blindfolded and falling backwards into someone’s arms with the total faith they won’t let you fall or hurt yourself. I’ve spent a lot of time exploring the whole Law of Attraction mindset. I like it. It’s empowering! If you recall empowerment is a step on the path to surrender. At first you feel like everything is being done to you or the world is against you somehow; that’s kind of a victim stage. Next you realize you have some control over things; you’re starting to wake up. Then comes the realization that we are co-creators of our experience. What we believe about the world and ourselves is what we see, much like when you buy a certain car and suddenly you start seeing it everywhere. This is empowerment. A lot of us get to this point on the trail and stay there. Not a bad place to be but it’s not all there is, either. Eventually we start getting curious about what’s next. Empowerment is great but running around like He-Man shouting “I’ve got the POWAAAAH!” will eventually wear on you. That’s when we notice the jewel of surrender sparkling quietly in the secret places.
Most are like me in that we take a look at that jewel, toss it down and run screaming for the hills. We can’t get the beauty of it out of our minds, but stop at the asking price. “I can’t afford that,” is a common refrain not just in shopping malls but in the spiritual realms, too. We think it foolish to put our trust in something other than ourselves. After all we’ve worked pretty hard to get to the He-Man stage. It’s fun to brandish our swords and yell “I’ve got the POWAAAAAH!” I wanted to do that and often did when I was little. It’s quite the rush. Surrender requires a different mindset. It asks us to recognize, honor and trust the Source of that power we’re joyfully skipping about wielding with delicious abandon.
When we resolve to put our trust completely in the Divine an unexpected thing happens. When we’re feeling empowered, we recognize we do indeed have a great deal of power; when we surrender completely to the Lady, by giving everything up to Her we end up with infinitely more than we could ever imagine. But we have to trust first. Totally let go. This is where the radical part comes in. We think of it as radical because we’ve grown accustomed to “big self” in everything or at the very least trusting only in the things we think we know. Trusting in Someone we can’t see (at least most of us can’t because we’ve put blinders on) is seen as impractical, insane, downright foolish. We all pay lip service to belief in the Divine but actually inviting the Lady into our lives and allowing Her to guide us? Nope! Not happening for most of us. This is what we’ve all been conditioned to. Breaking step with our conditioning is seen as nuts. Thus, trusting the Lady with everything you have and everything you are is radical.
Am I perfected at radical trust yet? I’m working on it. Admittedly, trust is not my strong point, though I do find it easier to trust the Goddess than anything human. Authentic love for the Lady is necessary. No love, no trust. Still, I’m giving it a go. She’s never let me down or stood me up. She’s always been there when I’ve needed Her and even when I just wanted to say hi. We’ve built up a good foundation for me to start letting go more.
As I let go to Her I find myself unclenching internally when I didn’t even realize I was clenched. When the Lady is in control there’s no need for worry – even though I still manage to do so occasionally. There’s always Someone to talk to, Someone Who’s got my back, Someone Who never thinks me stupid or ridiculous. She never says “I told you so” or rubs my mistakes in my face. Sometimes She kicks my butt when I really am being stupid, but She never demands surrender from me. She leaves space for me to come to that desire on my own. I’ve finally come around to desiring just that. I’ll let you know how it goes.